Bad Salvia Experience

Sunday night, barely able to move after hiking 18 miles, I waddled around like a duck due to sore muscles I didn't know existed. I spent the day trying to rehydrate after losing so many needless calories on the hike. I tried to replenish my body with beer but couldn't drink like I'm normally capable. Both Saturday night, after the hike, and Sunday afternoon were terrible beer outings because I couldn't drink much. I think it was because I needed water more so then beer but chose not to drink any.

After returning to my apartment on Sunday afternoon, following the bad bar trip, I decided to spend the rest of the evening in bed to rest my aching legs. At one point I managed to swing my legs off the bed and force them into carrying me to the refrigerator for a diet Pepsi. While staring into the open refrigerator I noticed the vile of Salvia Divinorum sitting on the counter. I picked it up and noticed it filled with quite a bit of leaves. I know I said I wouldn't smoke the stuff again because of my love for beer but I am also not one to waste things. Often times I have forced down food I cannot stomach because I feel guilty about wasting stuff. I think it stems from all the starving Africans my family always talked about. I didn't know any of them personally, and I'm not sure if any family members did either, but they sure talked about them like they were distant cousins. "There are starving people in Africa who would love to have those green beans young man," my family would say. Personally, I didn't think the children of Africa wanted my leftover green beans. Even as a child, when hungry, I often times passed up a plate of greens and opted for hunger instead.

Being my beer drinking ability was injured, along with my muscles after the long hike, I decided to fill the pipe with as many Salvia leaves it could handle. I lit the pipe and took two long pulls from the corn cob and blew the smoke throughout the apartment on my way back to the bed. Shutting off all the lights in the apartment and locking all the doors, I once again rested on the bed, preparing for a much needed night of sleep.

Staring at the tv, everything in the room grew dark. Darker than normal. I couldn't see anything around me except for the ray of light emitted from the 15 year old television on my computer desk. I can't remember what was on when I rested my head but with the room growing darker I noticed two black gentlemen talking on my computer desk. Not on the television but right there on the desk like two black heads decapitated and placed on my desk, fully functional . Everything had gone dark so the tv was no longer present. Only two black heads, surrounded by a fuzzy red haze as if placed in front of a fire, and talking. At first to themselves and then to me.

"Method Man? Is that you?" I said.

The head of Method Man had been engrossed in a conversation with the head of Ice Cube before they turned their attention to the crippled young man lying in bed next to them. I couldn't make out what they were saying but they were definitely talking to me.

"Holy shit!" I said jumping from the bed. I reached above me and pulled the cord dangling from the ceiling fan. Even with the lights on I couldn't regain my bearings.

"Oh shit, oh shit."

The bad beer trip forced me into smoking Salvia and now the day had turned into a bad Salvia trip. It was not fun. Sweat was pouring from my body as I leaned over the edge of my bed and tried to figure out my location. My surroundings looked familiar but at the same time very unfamiliar. The tv continued to talk to me as I planned my escape. I sensed a presence in the apartment with me and someone appearing from my front room was completely feasible, even though I had locked all the doors 10 minutes earlier. I contemplated running out the front door and not stopping until I made it to my mother's house 3 miles away.

A completely ridiculous idea, I told myself. The leaves from the plant were causing me to think this way. I knew I was under the influence of the leaves but at the same time I couldn't bring myself to fully realize it. I kept telling myself I had to let the Salvia run it's course and then I'd be ok. I clenched my entire body tightly as I stared at the floor and yelled at the two talking, black heads on my computer desk.

"Leave me alone Method Man! Just shut up!"

10 minutes later the experience ended. I turned off the lights then rested my head on the pillow. I felt violated as if two men broke into my apartment and verbally abused me for 10 minutes. I promised I'd never smoke the stuff again. I also swore ,to myself, I'd never drink again after losing my pants, while wearing them, and passport in the Dominican Republic. I still drink so we will see what the future holds.