Oprah chicken riot

New York - What started out as any other normal day for employees quickly turned ugly as thousands of hungry viewers stormed the KFC located on 42nd street in Manhattan. Talk show mogul, Oprah Winfrey, apparently didn't think ahead when she posted coupons for free chicken dinners on her website.

Employees said they felt the impending danger before they ever saw it. Pots, pans and shakers began to rattle as condiments fell from their holders, spilling onto the floor. One employee stated, "We thought it was an earthquake, but it eventually stopped. Then, all of a sudden, it started up again." Onlookers say the hungry mob of overweight viewers paused somewhere between 38th and 39th, to catch a breath, before continuing on with their hunger-filled rush.

Employees tried to shut the doors but were overpowered by salivating citizens. The chicken didn't stand a chance, as one person began eating a chicken right from the freezer, and another licked the fingers of the girl in charge of seasoning. We caught up with the manager who only said, "Shit! They don't pay me enough for this shit," and walked away, throwing his apron into the trash can.

Traffic was slowed for up to an hour and the store had to be closed for 3 when fireman had to be called in, with the jaws of life, to cut free two women who had become lodged in the rear entrance while trying to be first in line.

Oprah responded with, "I'm sorry. I never meant to ruffle any feathers."

Broke But Still Drinking has forewarned local 7-11 employees of our upcoming "free 6-pack coupon" promotion, planned for sometime this summer.