My girlfriend and I are getting an apartment together. This will be the first time in my 33 years on earth that I will be living with a woman other than my mother. I'm already sensing that woman have very different priorities than men when it comes to preparing for a move. I talked to her the other day about some of my concerns.
"What do you think. Should we get a kegerator or buy a pallet of beer for the new place?"
"A what and a what?"
"Well Teddy Boy and I were discussing the best ways to save money on beer, and since I'm saving all my money now, I need to spend my money more wisely on beer."
I began to give her the details of my current dilemma. A kegerator will always keep my beer cold and provide about 7 and 1/2 cases of beer per purchase. Teddy Boy weighed in and said, "A good keg of beer is damn near 80 dollars nowadays, and I've purchased the same cases of beer, on special, for around ten or eleven dollars. It won't save you that much money and it will take a while to get the money back you spent on purchasing the kegerator."
"You don't even have any furniture! Maybe this should be your main concern," said my girlfriend.
I pretended not to hear this last statement and continued to explain to her that a pallet of beer would probably be the wiser of the two investments. I also discussed this with Teddy Boy. I asked him how much a pallet of beer cost. He is wise in the ways of the pallets, because his college fraternity was not permitted kegs on campus, therefore they were forced into purchasing vast amounts of canned beer.
"Well, we really shopped around back in college, a buck was a buck back in those days. I remember some really heated debates over a few extra dollars for the better beer, but cheapness always won out," he explained.
"How much?" I added.
"We used to get the cheap stuff for about 600 dollars a pallet and there were 99 cases in the pallet."
We continued our discussion over the telephone and decided we could probably get a pallet of beer, good beer, for about $800 or $900. That's about 8 to 9 dollars a case, pretty damn good if you ask me. I decided to explain these details to my girlfriend but she really didn't grasp the rationality of my decision.
"Where are you going to put all this beer?" She asked.
"In the storage unit downstairs."
"Do you really need that much beer?"
"Just think! I could run a little beer warehouse out of the basement. You know, people are in a bind and they need beer fast. Who do they come see? That's right, they come see me and I'll sell the cases for 10 bucks a piece. That's a 2 dollar a case profit just for directed someone downstairs."
"That's illegal," she explained.
"I don't care. I'm tired of these corrupt politicians doing what they want and expecting us to be law abiding citizens. They can kiss my ass." I didn't really tell this to her but it's what was on my mind.
"I think you should buy yourself a dresser," she said and dropped the matter.
So the power struggle begins. This should be a very interesting living arrangement.
I called Teddy Boy.
"What do you think about getting four of us together and going in on a pallet? I think I could hide 25 cases throughout the apartment."
"Yeah. Let's get together on Saturday and call around for the best prices."
I can't think of a better way to spend St. Patty's Day weekend.
